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Let’s say he dated seven people in his first two months and then found a happy relationship that lasted for a year and a half.After a month of mourning and attempted make-up sex, he reposts his profile once again. Naturally, I’ve long been an advocate for online dating, not because it’s perfect, but because it ALWAYS created a love life for me.

However, if you were watching my profile on JDate, you’d have assumed that I was online from 1998-2006 without any success. Sometimes, when you leave, you don’t take your profile down—which leads you to be labeled an online dating addict by a woman who is on every single site herself. But you ARE onto something, Barb, which is that online dating CAN be addicting.

In fact, in my dating heyday, I didn’t just try JDate. Just like alcohol can be used recreationally or abusively, so can

I tried Match, Chemistry, e Harmony, Nerve, American Singles, Matchmaker… What’s similar is that the users always think that they’ve got it under control, and that nobody’s getting hurt in the process. There’s a delusional aspect to successful online dating—one that I’ve embodied—one that I’ve seen in my clients as well.

Having the experience you do with online dating, I was wondering what you think about some of the psychology of online dating. I was wondering because it seems like so many people have profiles online either the same site or multiple sites for lengthy periods of time.

I can search and then come back a year or two later and the same guys are still on the site and usually with the same picture.

Also, I dated a guy for a time who almost seems to be addicted. Barb Dear Barb, There are two things going on in your question, and I want to address them separately: First, let’s dispel the notion that there’s something wrong with someone who’s a) on two years after he signed up, and b) signed up for multiple dating sites. The only way you’d know if the same guy was on two years later is if YOU were on the site two years later.The only way you’d know that he’s also on e Harmony is if you’re ALSO on e Harmony.Essentially, you’re saying, “I’m not a loser, player, commitmentphobe or dating addict, but any man who does the same thing that I’m doing must be.” So to set the record straight: going on multiple dating sites means that you’re looking to expand your options.Maybe your month ran out on JDate and you want to try Saw You At Sinai.Maybe the pickings were slim on Chemistry, so you branched out to Perfect Match.There is another myth in your question, Barb—the idea that someone who signed up on Match in January ‘06 and is still on in January ‘08 has been on for two consecutive years.

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